My husband and I are sitting on the couch at the end of the day, laptops resting on our respective knees. Between us is a stack of papers, provided by my three-year-old son’s allergy clinic earlier that day.
I really appreciated this post. I think it’s something our society needs to hear more. There are trade offs for any significant effort you make as a parent, and sometimes it feels like people only look at “what you get by doing this heroic effort” and don’t consider the toll it can take on the parents, their work, and their other kids. Those impacts can be really significant and need to be considered against the “heroic effort.” It’s really really hard to balance everything, especially if there’s more than one kid. I hope you can figure out a balance that works for your family, and hope the treatment is successful!!
It's so hard and it feels scary! We have two kids with nut allergies, and NGL, we've had a few trips to the hospital. But our kids are teenagers now, we've traveled with them all over the world, and they're quite good at asking questions about ingredients and avoiding potentially dangerous foods.
In the end, your job as a parent is to raise kids capable of navigating life — including threats to their wellbeing. Suppressing the danger of this threat will never be quite enough, so it's OK to focus on helping them develop the skills to manage it. OIT will continue to advance and maybe in a decade it will be way easier!
The "stop at something" example I use whenever I think someone is being ridiculously overprotective of their child is:
Why don't you make your children wear helmets in the car? In the event of an accident, it reduces traumatic brain injuries by 50% and fatalities by 20%.
You must not love your children very much if you're not even forcing them to wear a helmet in the car, which is a completely trivial thing to do. It takes three seconds and has zero downsides. Just put it on, right? RIGHT???
Our son had a peanut allergy and thanks to OIT can now freely eat peanuts without reaction. The relief and improvement in quality of life is immense. Every meal, every potluck, every place we travel without an Epipen, without dread. I'm so grateful we did it. Our friends have a child with a peanut allergy - similar situation, family composition, resources. They are aware of OIT and chose not to do it. They don't have the time. And the thing is I completely understand! That is so valid! Who even knows if it would work for their child, how long it would take, and what they would have to give up in the process!
Thank you for sharing this piece. There are no easy answers in parenting. Your posts are such a comfort as we all stumble through this experience of raising a family. It's good to know we're not alone. Thank you!
I wish I could give you a hug. We followed this same road to a point - it was too much! At
one point they told us to avoid just about every food except five, no joke. Then we found a new allergist. We have an almost 9-year-old who can eat almonds but doesn’t really like them. I would be happy to share more of his background and what we’ve learned along the way.
It gets easier as they get older and can communicate better, I promise! But few people understand the fear when you’ve seen your baby have an anaphylactic reaction several times.
This is a beautiful thing to say. It is wonderful that we have these options, yes. Not everyone will be able to afford or achieve them, and that is no reflection on how good of a parent they are.
Thank you for this article! I have 3 children and struggle with where this line falls. Some days it feels like I’m not doing enough, and other days or weeks are overwhelming, with too many appointments and activities.
I really appreciated this post. I think it’s something our society needs to hear more. There are trade offs for any significant effort you make as a parent, and sometimes it feels like people only look at “what you get by doing this heroic effort” and don’t consider the toll it can take on the parents, their work, and their other kids. Those impacts can be really significant and need to be considered against the “heroic effort.” It’s really really hard to balance everything, especially if there’s more than one kid. I hope you can figure out a balance that works for your family, and hope the treatment is successful!!
Thank you so much, Ellen!
It's so hard and it feels scary! We have two kids with nut allergies, and NGL, we've had a few trips to the hospital. But our kids are teenagers now, we've traveled with them all over the world, and they're quite good at asking questions about ingredients and avoiding potentially dangerous foods.
In the end, your job as a parent is to raise kids capable of navigating life — including threats to their wellbeing. Suppressing the danger of this threat will never be quite enough, so it's OK to focus on helping them develop the skills to manage it. OIT will continue to advance and maybe in a decade it will be way easier!
This is really encouraging - thanks so much for the thoughtful comment!
The "stop at something" example I use whenever I think someone is being ridiculously overprotective of their child is:
Why don't you make your children wear helmets in the car? In the event of an accident, it reduces traumatic brain injuries by 50% and fatalities by 20%.
You must not love your children very much if you're not even forcing them to wear a helmet in the car, which is a completely trivial thing to do. It takes three seconds and has zero downsides. Just put it on, right? RIGHT???
Our son had a peanut allergy and thanks to OIT can now freely eat peanuts without reaction. The relief and improvement in quality of life is immense. Every meal, every potluck, every place we travel without an Epipen, without dread. I'm so grateful we did it. Our friends have a child with a peanut allergy - similar situation, family composition, resources. They are aware of OIT and chose not to do it. They don't have the time. And the thing is I completely understand! That is so valid! Who even knows if it would work for their child, how long it would take, and what they would have to give up in the process!
Thank you for sharing this piece. There are no easy answers in parenting. Your posts are such a comfort as we all stumble through this experience of raising a family. It's good to know we're not alone. Thank you!
Thank you so much Nathan! This is very helpful to hear!
I wish I could give you a hug. We followed this same road to a point - it was too much! At
one point they told us to avoid just about every food except five, no joke. Then we found a new allergist. We have an almost 9-year-old who can eat almonds but doesn’t really like them. I would be happy to share more of his background and what we’ve learned along the way.
It gets easier as they get older and can communicate better, I promise! But few people understand the fear when you’ve seen your baby have an anaphylactic reaction several times.
Thank you so much for this! It can be so scary - but yes, I imagine it gets easier in many ways when they are older and can understand a bit more!
I really appreciated this piece, which feels relevant to so many things in parenting, and to dietary treatments in general. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Thank you so much, Christy!
This is a beautiful thing to say. It is wonderful that we have these options, yes. Not everyone will be able to afford or achieve them, and that is no reflection on how good of a parent they are.
Creature report! Creature report!
Why is that song so catchy?!?
Thank you! Such a much needed conversation.
Thank you for writing this so honestly and sharing with us!
Thank you for this article! I have 3 children and struggle with where this line falls. Some days it feels like I’m not doing enough, and other days or weeks are overwhelming, with too many appointments and activities.