Q&A: How do I fix things after fighting with my kid?

How do I fix things after a fight with my daughter? She’s 13 and definitely in full-on moody teen territory. We’ve had a few disagreements recently (usually about things that, objectively, I think I’m right about - like the fact that she can’t keep used/dirty plates in her room), but then it escalates and I end up losing my cool. Things usually go back to normal after a few hours, and we don’t really talk about it afterward, but is this the right thing to do? Should I apologize? Or will that make her think that her behavior was okay all along? Should I force her to apologize?

The situation you’re describing is so common, but that certainly doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. I feel for you!

First off: let me offer some good news. There’s some evidence that the “emotional lability” (i.e., moodiness) that comes with adolescence tends to peak in the earlier years (10-14), so although you’re in the thick of it now, there’s a good chance things will cool down soon. Also, conflict between parents and teens is very normal and, actually, a sign that your teen is developing as they should (i.e., learning to differentiate themselves from you and become independent)—so some disagreement can be a good thing. (I know, I know. It definitely doesn’t feel that way.)

So what can you do?