This summer we took our sons (ages 7 and 10) to a fancy resort in West Virginia as part of my parents' 50th anniversary celebration. The first night at a golf club restaurant we were all so zonked and I wanted to scream trying to handle my kids (who were mostly fine, but you know, kids, so, kind of pains) and my ADHD type family that likes to all talk at once while getting progressively drunker (I don't drink.)
Walking to the bathroom I saw another family that had set up their own kids with their iPads sitting in front of them with their headphones on, completely oblivious to everything around them. I felt so, so judgy of these people.
Until I realized maybe I was actually just jealous that they got to enjoy their meals.
Nov 28, 2022·edited Nov 28, 2022Liked by Jacqueline Nesi, PhD
We have never allowed our kids to do screens at dinner, and our kids are teens now. We recently started including a living room picnic / campout on our movie night where we get pizza, but usually it doesn't work, and we move to the table minus TV because of our dogs stealing all the food. I'm a psychologist also, so part of this was the research I was aware of already plus one of our kiddos was diagnosed with ADHD. Yet part of it was that we both had made it without it, and there were some upsides. When I was younger, I was allowed to watch TV at dinner with our family on Friday nights. My dad would cookout and we had people over often. Yet I enjoyed talking at dinner and never asked to watch TV during the week. Not letting them have screens in restaurants was harder. Even over a decade ago, we felt kind of weird as the only parents who brought drawing supplies places and didn't get on our screens or let our kids. That was based on my memories from eating out as a kid. I can remember drawing, playing these tiny travel games and tic-tac-toe with my grandmother. I was fortunate to have a father who believed kids should be kids and was and is still a child at heart, so he would let me explore restaurants. I can remember walking up to someone when I was probably 7 and asking politely, "Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Are those oysters in that bucket? Do they have pearls in them?" I can remember the older couple being so happy that I asked and they showed me the oyster, and we had this long conversation. I can remember going in a restaurant chain called Darryl's and they had an old London double-decker bus with a gorilla driving and an old elevator, I played by myself and with my cousins all the time. Ok, so now reflecting, maybe my Dad should have been reported for allowing me to wander all over restaurants, but they were great memories. I've let me kids roam around a few unusual restaurants before, but never alone.
As a phone addict myself, I can’t bring myself to pass off an iPad to my kids, except for the rare flight or long distance drive. I fear that even if I started out with boundaries they would be broken until we are a family that are all focused on our own personal devices. However, I didn’t have a smart device until much later in life and here I am. Maybe I’m hoping I can hold off long enough with them so they see the value of not staring at a screen, but I know I need to be a better example.
As for the dreaded restaurant situation, I wish more establishments catered to families with young children. Maybe the solution isn’t to help them cope through a situation they aren’t meant to cope with...ie sitting still and being quiet while adults talk.
I have a lot of issues with your comment, but mostly want to say: grandparent babysitting is never, ever free. you may not pay in $, but that doesn't mean you're not paying.
Hmmm I would normally say "You need to get new (grand)parents" but that is probably prohibitively expensive in and of itself. :)
Everything has a price, but some prices are ones we don't mind paying. Grandparents who exact a price for babysitting you find distasteful is an unfortunate situation, and a rare one, I hope, for most people.
This summer we took our sons (ages 7 and 10) to a fancy resort in West Virginia as part of my parents' 50th anniversary celebration. The first night at a golf club restaurant we were all so zonked and I wanted to scream trying to handle my kids (who were mostly fine, but you know, kids, so, kind of pains) and my ADHD type family that likes to all talk at once while getting progressively drunker (I don't drink.)
Walking to the bathroom I saw another family that had set up their own kids with their iPads sitting in front of them with their headphones on, completely oblivious to everything around them. I felt so, so judgy of these people.
Until I realized maybe I was actually just jealous that they got to enjoy their meals.
We have never allowed our kids to do screens at dinner, and our kids are teens now. We recently started including a living room picnic / campout on our movie night where we get pizza, but usually it doesn't work, and we move to the table minus TV because of our dogs stealing all the food. I'm a psychologist also, so part of this was the research I was aware of already plus one of our kiddos was diagnosed with ADHD. Yet part of it was that we both had made it without it, and there were some upsides. When I was younger, I was allowed to watch TV at dinner with our family on Friday nights. My dad would cookout and we had people over often. Yet I enjoyed talking at dinner and never asked to watch TV during the week. Not letting them have screens in restaurants was harder. Even over a decade ago, we felt kind of weird as the only parents who brought drawing supplies places and didn't get on our screens or let our kids. That was based on my memories from eating out as a kid. I can remember drawing, playing these tiny travel games and tic-tac-toe with my grandmother. I was fortunate to have a father who believed kids should be kids and was and is still a child at heart, so he would let me explore restaurants. I can remember walking up to someone when I was probably 7 and asking politely, "Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Are those oysters in that bucket? Do they have pearls in them?" I can remember the older couple being so happy that I asked and they showed me the oyster, and we had this long conversation. I can remember going in a restaurant chain called Darryl's and they had an old London double-decker bus with a gorilla driving and an old elevator, I played by myself and with my cousins all the time. Ok, so now reflecting, maybe my Dad should have been reported for allowing me to wander all over restaurants, but they were great memories. I've let me kids roam around a few unusual restaurants before, but never alone.
As a phone addict myself, I can’t bring myself to pass off an iPad to my kids, except for the rare flight or long distance drive. I fear that even if I started out with boundaries they would be broken until we are a family that are all focused on our own personal devices. However, I didn’t have a smart device until much later in life and here I am. Maybe I’m hoping I can hold off long enough with them so they see the value of not staring at a screen, but I know I need to be a better example.
As for the dreaded restaurant situation, I wish more establishments catered to families with young children. Maybe the solution isn’t to help them cope through a situation they aren’t meant to cope with...ie sitting still and being quiet while adults talk.
I have a lot of issues with your comment, but mostly want to say: grandparent babysitting is never, ever free. you may not pay in $, but that doesn't mean you're not paying.
Hmmm I would normally say "You need to get new (grand)parents" but that is probably prohibitively expensive in and of itself. :)
Everything has a price, but some prices are ones we don't mind paying. Grandparents who exact a price for babysitting you find distasteful is an unfortunate situation, and a rare one, I hope, for most people.