Wow, you really hit on the three biggest emotions that working mothers feel about being away from their children - anxiety (bad for their development), GUILT (I’m a bad mom), and sadness (I’m missing out on something important). There is no way around being at work when you are not with your child, other than to accept your choice and vow to be a good-enough mother.
Another helpful technique is to dedicate time to reflection on these moments, but to be intentional about that time.
Taking your example, an immediate emotional response to this situation could be caused by social norms, OR hating zoom, OR hating whatever the zoom is about, OR discomfort about tradeoffs between work and family, OR the universal pain that comes from hearing any child cry (or all of the above!)
It’s worth thinking about these things, but not in the moment itself. You’re not in an unbiased place, and will likely come to the wrong conclusions.
Morning pages and other writing practices are great for this, as our daily mental reviews.
Yes! For a person wanting to learn skills on their own, you could try Mind Over Mood or Feeling Great (the latest version of "Feeling Good," which also comes with a workbook "The Feeling Good Workbook"). For therapists, Cognitive Behavior Therapy (by Judith Beck)
Ah, I love this article-- what a great, accessible, and practical summary of some core CBT tools. I especially appreciated your application to navigating mom guilt that inevitably pops up when other things demand our time and attention... something so many of us struggle with!
Very thought provoking... (and adding another layer to consider as part of the CBT -- while it may not be the case of your child, there are children who are Gestalt Language Processors and/or use echoalia who say the things but do not mean it the way you understand it).
Children. They are geniuses aren’t they? Just found out that my child, though I breast fed ( sometimes through bloody pain) has some ( insert long name can’t recall yet but ‘common in children) because I didn’t ‘microbiome seeding’ in the 1000 days after birth.
A.N.T- should have read about it and applied other thought -doctors should have done this knowing that this is important in preventing allergies,eczema and asthma in children who miss out important vaginal fluid needed by babies if mum’s going through a C-section.
Yet another thought- should I tell kiddo? Don’t want him go round school saying he’s allergic ( not conclusive at this point but you know kids) Sooo, When? Feeling-Guilt riding sadness then must read about gut health and microbiomes. Goodness I guess sleeping’s out tonight
I Love that ! Exactly what happened to me last week! Thank you for sharing, well the reframing is,I guess the hard part, when it comes to automatic generated thoughts of guilt and sadness!.
Wow, you really hit on the three biggest emotions that working mothers feel about being away from their children - anxiety (bad for their development), GUILT (I’m a bad mom), and sadness (I’m missing out on something important). There is no way around being at work when you are not with your child, other than to accept your choice and vow to be a good-enough mother.
Another helpful technique is to dedicate time to reflection on these moments, but to be intentional about that time.
Taking your example, an immediate emotional response to this situation could be caused by social norms, OR hating zoom, OR hating whatever the zoom is about, OR discomfort about tradeoffs between work and family, OR the universal pain that comes from hearing any child cry (or all of the above!)
It’s worth thinking about these things, but not in the moment itself. You’re not in an unbiased place, and will likely come to the wrong conclusions.
Morning pages and other writing practices are great for this, as our daily mental reviews.
“Are” not our. Can’t edit!
Do you have any CBT book recommendations? Thanks!
Yes! For a person wanting to learn skills on their own, you could try Mind Over Mood or Feeling Great (the latest version of "Feeling Good," which also comes with a workbook "The Feeling Good Workbook"). For therapists, Cognitive Behavior Therapy (by Judith Beck)
Ah, I love this article-- what a great, accessible, and practical summary of some core CBT tools. I especially appreciated your application to navigating mom guilt that inevitably pops up when other things demand our time and attention... something so many of us struggle with!
thank you!
Very thought provoking... (and adding another layer to consider as part of the CBT -- while it may not be the case of your child, there are children who are Gestalt Language Processors and/or use echoalia who say the things but do not mean it the way you understand it).
It's easy to overlook the utility of the simple CBT triad - nice post. Also, please reach out if you ever figure out how to master Canva :)
I love using CBT but it’s hard to remember it in the moment. Kids are such a great example
Children. They are geniuses aren’t they? Just found out that my child, though I breast fed ( sometimes through bloody pain) has some ( insert long name can’t recall yet but ‘common in children) because I didn’t ‘microbiome seeding’ in the 1000 days after birth.
A.N.T- should have read about it and applied other thought -doctors should have done this knowing that this is important in preventing allergies,eczema and asthma in children who miss out important vaginal fluid needed by babies if mum’s going through a C-section.
Yet another thought- should I tell kiddo? Don’t want him go round school saying he’s allergic ( not conclusive at this point but you know kids) Sooo, When? Feeling-Guilt riding sadness then must read about gut health and microbiomes. Goodness I guess sleeping’s out tonight
Great article! Thank you!
I Love that ! Exactly what happened to me last week! Thank you for sharing, well the reframing is,I guess the hard part, when it comes to automatic generated thoughts of guilt and sadness!.
I’d love to see a reframe that normalizes mom’s work next to dad’s work. You use the word parent but in your example it’s all about mom going to work.