Screen time: What are other parents doing?
New data from the Pew Research Center suggests you're not the only one who does...whatever it is that you do
Welcome to Techno Sapiens! I’m Jacqueline Nesi, a psychologist and professor at Brown University, co-founder of Tech Without Stress (@techwithoutstress), and mom of two young kids. Techno Sapiens is now home to 20,000+ readers, and I’m so grateful you’re here.
Before we dive in today, a quick announcement…
Are you a mom? Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the endless stream of parenting tips, advice, how-to’s, and don’t-do’s that the Internet throws at us? Join me next week for a free, virtual event hosted by tapouts, the program that teaches kids important socio-emotional skills. I’m very excited (and honored!) to be a panelist alongside Cassie Shortsleeve, L’Oreal Thompson Payton, and Maggie Vaughan. We’ll be chatting about navigating parenting advice, managing screen time, and embracing the imperfections of parenthood with support and understanding. And you’re invited!
It’s on Wednesday, April 24, 12:30-1:30pm EDT, and I’d love to see you there. To RSVP, send an email (or forward this one) to: tapouts@maxborgesagency.com
4 min read
There’s something soothing about a nationally-representative survey. Something reassuring. A steady foothold to ground us, a solid truth to grab onto in a hazy fog of half-truths and alternative facts. We can find our place in survey numbers—where we differ from our neighbors and where we align. We can bask in the concreteness, the definitive edges marking fact and fiction. In these numbers, we can, for once, truly rest.
Oh, that’s just me?1
Let’s just get to it, then.
We’ve got a new survey!
Our old friend the Pew Research Center is at it again, this time surveying 1,453 U.S. teens ages 13 to 17 and their parents about how they approach screen time.
Our focus today will be on the parents’ responses. Here are some key findings.
How many parents are snooping on their teens’ devices?
Exactly half.
Parents were asked: Do you ever look through your teen’s smartphone? A total of 50% of them said they do.2 As we might expected, this differs a bit by age:
For parents of 13- to 14-year-olds, 64% of parents said they look through their teen’s phone
For parents of 15- to 17-year-olds, only 41% do
Interestingly, this has changed very little since Pew collected similar data in 2016. Parents remain almost equally split on this behavior.
Do parents limit their teens’ phone time?
We’ve got another equal split on this question, with 47% of parents saying they set time limits on their teens’ phone use, and 48% saying they do not. Again, this is more common for parents of younger teens.
And how do parents feel about all this?
Three-quarters of parents (76%) say that managing how much time their teen spends on their phone is a “priority.” Specifically: 15% say it’s a “top priority” and 61% say it’s “important, but not a top priority.”
That leaves 19% who say managing teens’ phone time is “not a priority.”
Interestingly, this differs somewhat by household income, with lower-income parents more likely to say this is a top priority (22%), compared to higher-income parents (14%).3
So, parents differ somewhat in how much they prioritize managing phone time—though the majority think it’s important. Now, how hard is it for parents to actually do this?
Nearly half (43%) of parents say that managing the amount of time their teen is on their smartphone is “hard.” One-quarter (26%) say it’s neither easy nor hard, and another quarter (26%) say it’s “easy.” Higher-income parents are more likely to say it’s “hard,” compared to lower-income parents.
How do phones influence parents’ interactions with their teens?
Roughly 4 in 10 (39%) of parents say they at least “sometimes” argue with their teen about the amount of time they spend on their smartphone. Interestingly, more than one-quarter (27%) say they never argue with their teen about this.
And what about parents’ own smartphone use? According to the data, 47% of parents say they spend “too much” time on their own smartphones. Is this getting in the way?
31% of parents say they are at least “sometimes” distracted by their phones while having conversations with their teen
Though, when you ask teens about this, nearly half (46%) say their parents are sometimes distracted4
This difference is worth noting, and reminds us to pay attention to the ways our phones may be interfering with our interactions. This is something to talk to our kids about, too.
What should we make of this?
Often, when we hear about survey data, the numbers are meant to shock us due to a purported universality. The vast majority of parents believe X! 95% of parents do Y!
And we do see some agreement in this survey among parents on the fact that this is a priority—more than three-quarters of parents (76%) believe managing teens’ phone use is important.
But the most striking result of this survey, in my opinion, is the variability on everything else.
Half of parents monitor their teens’ phones, half do not. Roughly half have time limits, and half do not. Some argue with their teens about phone use, some don’t. Some think this is all pretty easy, some think it’s hard.
What this tells us is that parents are going about this in very different ways. We may follow the same basic principles, but what is working for some families may not be working for others. Parents, unsurprisingly, differ in their beliefs and approaches.
In other words: there’s no one right way to do this.5 I, for one, think that’s reassuring.
A quick survey
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Please, techno sapiens, tell me I’m not the only one who feels strangely relieved to find a nationally-representative survey. So concrete! So cut-and-dried! Just straightforward numbers, that are (to the extent possible) representative of the population. It’s like a nice, relaxing spa day for your brain. [Do I need a vacation?]
Note: if you are going to look through your child’s phone, you’re going to want to talk to them about it and have a plan for how to do it. Check out this post for more guidance.
The findings around household income are interesting—in particular, lower-income parents are more likely to say that managing screen time is a “top priority” compared to higher-income parents, but less likely to say that managing screen time is “hard.” The Pew authors don’t speculate on why this might be. I wonder if it could be related to the fact that teens in lower-income households report more screen time overall compared to teens in higher-income households—but I’d be curious to hear others’ thoughts on this. Either way, I think it speaks to the importance of supporting all families in managing these issues.
The difference between parents and teens reporting that parents are sometimes distracted by their phones is a great reminder of the limitations of self-report data. What would you say if someone asked you: “How often are you distracted by your phone when your teen is trying to have a conversation with you?” and the answer choices were Often, Sometimes, Rarely, or Never? This is really hard data to get by asking someone directly. Presumably, you’re not always noticing when you’re distracted because you’re, you know…distracted. Also, I would think that parents who are just generally more self-aware, more concerned about these issues, etc. would be more likely to say “sometimes” versus “rarely” or “never.”
Every time I make a statement like this (i.e., “there’s no one right way to do this”) I get a couple responses along the lines of: “What are you talking about? Tell parents they need to put stricter limits on screen time!” I also get a couple responses along the lines of: “What are you talking about? Tell parents to stop panicking about screen time and just let kids live!” This, um, kind of proves my point.
I’m going to add a third comment on your statement that “there’s no one right way to do this.⁵” It’s different than the two opposite comments in the footnote, which don’t actually prove there’s no one right way. Instead, they prove that there’s no one *popular* way. It may still be that one way is right and the other is wrong. I kind of doubt it, especially since kids are so different from each other, but the survey won’t really tell you.
Hi, as a child and adolescent psychiatrist I find that some of the most heated conflicts between parent and offspring are over the use of their phones. Physical fights have occurred when frustrated parents try to remove the most valued appendage from their child’s firm grip. This is usually an extreme case but parents need to stress the priority of schoolwork and other responsibilities over phone time.
Unlimited device use has been linked to anxiety especially in girls and leaves the young person believing that their phone is their only link to friends. Disconnection feels scary. Missing something is intolerable.
I usually advise parents to clarify that the parent remains in control of the phone not the child. If the parents feel the need to go through the child’s phone it should be done together, regularly up to an age where you judge them to no longer need that level of supervision. Be aware that children frequently go through their parents phones too.