How to sleep better

Simple strategies for device-free sleep

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8 min read

A month or two after my son was born, deep in the throes of regular nighttime feedings, I remember wandering into the kitchen one sunny morning, the baby wrapped snugly to my chest. My husband was at the sink, rinsing a plate.

What is this? I asked suddenly, pointing to a small tangle of wires on the countertop. My husband looked back at me, hesitating, plate raised mid-air. What’s it for? I continued, now holding the wire and examining the small plug at its end. My husband narrowed his eyes and cocked his head, clearly trying to assess whether this was some kind of trap. Gently, he offered, It’s, uh, your laptop charger?

That tangle of wires, the one that had appeared so foreign to me, the one I did not recognize after carefully thumbing its metallic edge, was, in fact, my laptop charger. An item I have used for the majority of the day, everyday, for years.

This, techno sapiens, is why we need sleep.¹

That’s right. We’re talking about sleep.

Specifically, how to stop letting our screens get in the way of it.

As always, let’s start with the data. Thousands of studies and multiple meta-analyses have shown that for both adults and kids, not getting enough sleep is linked to worse physical and mental health. For example, a 2010 meta-analysis combining data from over a million adults found that people who slept less (under 7 hours) were 12% more likely to die over the course of the next 25 years.

Here’s how much sleep the CDC recommends for different age groups (these numbers can include naps for younger kids):

• Newborns: 14-17 hours

• Infants: 12-16 hours

• Toddlers: 11-14 hours

• Preschool: 10-13 hours

• School age: 9-12 hours

• Teens: 8-10 hours

• Adults: 7 or more hours

First, the bad news: many of us, and many of our kids, are not getting enough sleep, and screens are a major culprit.² For kids, teens, and adults, more frequent screen use (especially at bedtime) is associated with worse sleep. There are likely three reasons for this:

• Displacement of time spent sleeping. We probably don’t need research to tell us this. If we’re staring at our phones, we are not sleeping.

• Cognitive or psychological arousal. The things we do on our phones tend to bring up strong emotions, which can interfere with sleep.

• Light emitted from screens. Staring at the bright light of a screen increases arousal and interferes with our circadian rhythm, so we feel less tired.³

The good news? Randomized controlled trials of kids and adults show that when we reduce screen use at bedtime, we improve sleep duration and quality.

So, let’s get to it!

A tiny, overpriced “phone bed” available on Amazon. Adorable? Yes. Necessary for better sleep? Probably not.

How to stop screens from getting in the way of our (and our kids’) sleep

Here are specific ideas for changes you might make to reduce screen use at bedtime and improve sleep. Are there any you might be willing to try?

1. Move phones out of the bedroom. Pick a designated, family charging spot somewhere in the house, outside of your bedroom, where you’ll “put your phones to bed” before going to sleep yourself.

2. Move phones out of reach of bed. Use what behavioral scientists call “situational self-control” to create just enough friction to prevent late night (or early morning) horizontal scrolling sessions.

3. Put phones on “Do Not Disturb” at night. Ensure that your phone’s various buzzes and dings aren’t waking you up. If you’re concerned you’ll miss an important call or text, you can set up certain numbers as “exceptions,” even when on Do Not Disturb. Here’s how to do that on iPhone and Android.

4. Reduce phone use before going to bed. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends limiting kids’ use of screens for the hour before bed. For adults, limiting screens in the 30 minutes before bed can be effective for improving sleep. Ultimately, these numbers are somewhat arbitrary, so find a timeline that works for you and make sure you have a nice, screen-free bedtime routine.⁴

5. Change the type of content consumed before bed. Try replacing emotionally-charged media consumption (e.g., jealously swiping through photos of a high school classmates recent kitchen renovation; anxiously consuming the day’s news headlines)⁵ with listening to a meditation, sleep story, or podcast.

6. Switch out the device. For reading, try replacing brightly backlit screens (phones, tablets) with dimmer lighting (e-readers) or, better yet, a physical book. For podcasts or meditations without a phone, consider using a voice assistant (i.e., Alexa). Or, buy a cheap MP3 player like this or this (yes, they still exist, and yes, you’ll launch into a long, when I was your age monologue about Limewire that will be met with your children’s groans).

7. Get an alarm clock. In my experience, the number one barrier to getting phones out of the bedroom (especially for teens) is their use as an alarm. This is an easy (and cheap) problem to solve with a good, old-fashioned alarm clock.

8. Get an audio baby monitor. Another barrier (this one more common with adults) is the use of phones as video monitors to keep an eye on baby’s room. Consider an audio monitor (I use this one). And if you, like me, also want a visual when your son spontaneously begins screaming the lyrics to “On Top of Spaghetti” at 6am, keep a video monitor on your phone, but leave it outside your room.

9. Keep a notebook on the nightstand. If you're the lucky owner of a brain that likes to wake you up in the middle of the night with a panicked urge to sign your child up for tomorrow's library class,⁶ take five minutes before bed to journal (write down to-do's, worries, and other thoughts). And if a worry wakes you up in the middle of the night, write it down in the notebook (instead of heading straight for a device).

10. Get your teen in on it. Convinced your child will never go for the whole no-phones-in-the-bedroom thing? Try to make it as collaborative as possible (see this post for more on problem-solving with teens).

    You might say something like: I’ve been reading about all this research on the importance of sleep, and how our phones can get in the way of it, even when we don’t realize it’s happening. I want to figure out ways that we can all protect our sleep. I’m planning to try keeping my phone out of my bedroom at night. What do you think might work for you?

    You might also try framing it as an experiment: Let’s try this for a week and see how it goes. We can always re-evaluate and try something new.

Let’s do this

Are you planning to give any of these strategies a try? Have you tried any of them in the past? Let us know in the comments!

Oh, and lest you doubt the wisdom of a crowd, please see below for some of my favorite responses to last week’s question of fighting one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses:

Tough call on the duck sized horse vs horse sized duck! Depends what kind of weapons you’re allowed, eg taser? whip? long, skinny sword? And do you actually have to slay to be left alone, or are distract, run and hide tactics allowed…ultimately hoping I could go chill somewhere the horse sized duck wouldn’t fit (a very on brand avoid-issue-by-procrastinating-it-away kinda move) and it would just get bored and bounce? Either way, good question.

Ducks are mean and vicious! A horse sized duck is too close to a velociraptor for my taste. And if you're not terrified of raptors then re-watch the original Jurassic Park!

Can I appease the duck with large amounts of stale bread laced in drugs to put it to sleep.

I completely disagree with your bullet #3 on the duck sized horse. Given the leg structure, the lack of nails/toes, and the lack of canines that (especially scaled down) can puncture & pull, 100 duck sized horses will just be a sea of annoying nibblers that can't get past a good boot. Horses didn't evolve to fight things bigger than them, just smaller, so they'll be woefully unprepared even if teamed up. Ducks, on the other hand, are absolutely vicious when cornered. I'd hate to go up against one with some actual weight/strength behind the attitude.

I was going to go with the horse sized duck, but I would need a weapon. There's no way I could take out a horse sized duck by hand. I probably couldn't take out 100 duck sized horses either (so many teeth! from too many directions!!), but at least I could take some of them with me. Also, is the duck's body the size of the horse? Can it still fly? Think of the wingspan! That would be a terribly powerful creature. Although if it retains its bone density, it would probably collapse under its own weight so maybe I win by default...

I have been attacked by a goose and the idea of a horse sized duck terrifies me.

I see your point about the unknown variables of 100 duck sized horses. But 100 mini horses! I cannot resist! I'll beat them because I'll pied piper those little ponies and I'll have a giant herd of tiny horses following me around.

Techno sapiens, I have been convinced.

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1. Important disclaimer: some aspects of sleep are in our control (e.g., using screens), some are out of our control (e.g., having a screaming newborn). I recognize that if you currently have a newborn, screens are probably the least of your sleep problems (see: laptop issue, above). For what it’s worth, I found this online class to be very helpful in getting our baby to sleep. This book helped, too. Also, crying. Highly recommend occasional sleep-deprivation-induced crying.

2. There are, of course, many other strategies you can use to improve sleep, like going to bed at a consistent time, keeping the environment cool, getting sunlight and exercise during the day, etc. (here’s a good list of research-backed tips). Here, we’re just focusing on the tech piece.

3. You’ve probably heard that guy who wears Bonobos joggers at the office and listens to the Andrew Huberman podcast rattling on about “blue light.” So, what is it, exactly? You may remember from your middle school science days that there are different colors (ROYGBIV) in the visible light spectrum (to be fair, I had to do a fair amount of Googling to get back up to speed on this). Each color has a different wavelength. Blue light has shorter wavelengths than other colors, and there is some evidence it interferes more strongly with melatonin production (i.e., a hormone that regulates our sleep).

Screens emit a high volume of blue light (note: so do do energy-efficient LED lightbulbs). The evidence on products that claim to block blue light (e.g., “night shift” on iPhone, blue-light blocking glasses) is somewhat mixed. However, there may be some benefit, and it certainly can’t hurt—plus, who wouldn’t want to wear these glasses, which in the description of the product on its own website says, “while they certainly won't win any style awards, they are still very effective and very functional.”

4. Setting up a nice, relaxing bedtime routine is crucial, like, say, change into pajamas, brush teeth, turn on sound machine, ask husband existential questions about whether our work is interfering with our parenting such that we’re missing precious moments of our son’s fleeting childhood, roll over, go to sleep. (This is a joke. Please do not ask your husband existential questions immediately before trying to sleep).

5. Relatedly, ignore the phrase “never go to sleep angry.” You should absolutely consider going to sleep when in the middle of an argument with your spouse. The next day, you’ll be rested, less emotional, and more likely to compromise on such hot-button issues as whether the beautiful new chunky knit throw blanket you just bought from Target is chic and cozy or “itchy” and “too heavy.” (The correct answer is chic and cozy. There is no compromise).

6. Our local library holds free, weekly music classes for kids. It’s great! My son loves them! Also, each class has to be reserved individually. And spots open up at precisely 9am the Thursday of the week before each class. Oh, and you have to sign up online, via a website likely built in 1998. And spots fill up immediately. This is fine! Totally fine.

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In case you missed it

• How to use your phone less

• Should I be on my phone near my kid?